Plan to Let Go
“I want to go to high school.” My oldest daughter’s words pierced my heart. I knew it was coming, and for most of her teen years I’ve been trying to fight it. I could sense her restlessness, and would scribble in my planner and frantically plan ways to keep her fulfilled in the homeschooling realm. I tried getting her into volleyball and various clubs, all in an attempt for her to be with her homeschooling peers while having fun and learning. I wanted her to be happy. I didn’t just want her to find happiness at school. But to no avail, her question still arose. I had to face my fears. The file in my brain that remembered my high school years came up, and I remembered all the good and bad that came with it. The bad is what I wanted to protect her from. But it was more than that. It went against all that I believed about schools. I dreamed of all my children soaring with their dreams under their wings. And finding homeschooling enabled them to focus on those dreams without the interference of peer pressures. I couldn’t help but have the feeling of failure. What did I do wrong?
Abby’s request to give high school a try made me face this fear head on. I went to God about it and found out that this was a personal struggle that I was dealing with. She wanted to make a choice about her life that I had strong feelings against. But I knew I couldn’t hold her back. God told me to trust Him, and give Him my fears, and the big one that was the hardest to swallow was to let her go. Not just to school, but I had to let her make the choice. It was a turning point for me, humbling to say the least. Unschooling my children I felt I was going to ward off the interests in high schools. But my brown-eyed little girl who thrived in this free-learning environment in her elementary years wanted to give high school a go. But you know what? Once I faced my fears and gave it to God, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I felt good about letting her experience something that she was interested in, even if it meant going against what I thought was best. I had to let her make some choices about her own life.
My planner now has a new sheet of paper in it. It reads: “Abby’s new plans for high school.” And I couldn’t be happier for her. It doesn’t mean I failed at homeschooling. It means that I have succeeded in creating a good foundation. I was able to teach her all I knew about Jesus throughout the day. We learned together and played together. All the years of being able to experience learning with her at home is a privilege. And homeschooling enabled us to do that.
My Planner Perfect tip? Plan to let go…