Having quite a number of children, I’ve been through a lot of different scenarios with them, and I have learned a tremendous amount about myself and parenting, from them. I have tried numerous parenting techniques, but nothing ever seemed to be what I knew in my heart was right until I started listening to my heart and praying about it. I want to raise my children with intent and that comes with the job of dissecting what I’ve been doing for years that haven’t worked and start understanding my children better, being open to change, and being the best Mom I can be…
Over the years, I’ve learned a lot, read a lot, prayed a lot, and the biggest and best thing I’ve ever done in being a better Mother, has been to be open to change.
Here are my top five, core, fundamental tips when raising children:
#1. Teaching our children how to have a relationship with Jesus Christ. Teaching our children about God should be in our everyday life and conversations; to pray, to trust in Him, to not get caught-up in all the “rules” of Christianity, but to seek God for the plans He has for them. My husband and I have a responsibility to be living examples of how to have a relationship with God and live for Him; leading by example, like everything else, is the only way to truly learn.
#2. No spanking, no time-outs, no forced apologies but rather, we’ve learned to teach them how their actions affect others, instead. The how and why apologies work better for truly teaching its importance; they come around and say their sorry all on their own. I would rather it come from their heart, than as an alternative to punishment. No short-term control over the moment can teach better than patience and perseverance. Children have good hearts and with our guide and gentle teaching, will want to do what is right.
#3. No rewards such as: gold stars, candy, pizza, and the like as incentives to motivate children. I’ve learned that the rewards of a job well done is fulfilling in its own right. Once you dangle the “rewards” they are always going to be after the “what’s in it for me” mentality. I want them to push themselves to be their personal best, for themselves, for God, and for its own sake. Not for a “reward”.
#4. No demands or control for the sake of who’s boss. We respect each other, communicate, and understand each other. This mutual respect, usually gets what you’re asking from your child without force. and control.
#5. No structured studies. We set learning goals, and execute them. We are flexible, take our time and are under no time restraints. We don’t follow the school system, but rather our interests. They have not been turned off from learning and are continually educating themselves. We don’t take a break for summer, spring or holidays. There shouldn’t be an off-switch for learning. When this is what children are taught, they can’t wait to turn “off” that switch, throw their text books and have fun. Why not create an atmosphere where learning is part of everyday life?
Raising children is to be done with intent; get your thoughts, your plan, in your monthly goal pages in your, Planner Perfect, planner, on how you want to raise your family. You will be parenting with purpose!
These are my five, core, fundamental tips for raising children. These tips did not come without a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Well, maybe not blood, but you get the idea.
Mamas, what have you learned most about raising children?
Hi Jenny,
It was a lovely surprise to find your blog this evening. I'd love to you link up with other Christian unschoolers at http://www.sparklingadventures.com/index.php?id=985
Love,
Lauren
I love your list and I wish I had learnt it all a long time ago. I wish I could have a do-over! Sigh. My biggest lesson I have learnt is to say 'yes' as often as you can.
I agree with that one, too, Catherine! And I think we all wish we could do some do-overs…we do the best we can and the rest is grace…
Hugs,
Jenny
I've learned that nothing ever goes they way you plan.
amen!
Love them. Let them know no matter what they are loved!
Regarding your no structured studies tip; I have been looking into unschooling for about 6 months now. I have a 4 year old who is very bright and loves to learn and I want to encourage that not discourage that (I messed up with the older group I have and they ended up hating to learn, trying to fix that now). My hesitation is when I search the internet for information on unschooling (I don't personally know any unschoolers) the articles and message boards that come up are frightening to me. They are very secular and seem to encourage unparenting. That's is not what I'm looking for. Have you been able to find support within the Christian community and what are your thoughts on radical unschooling. I don't want to not-parent I just want to be able to gently guide my children to God's word and essential life principles from the Bible, but to some in the unschooling community this seems like it would be a big no no.
Books I have already read are:
Finding Joy A Christian's Journey to an Unschooled Life by Julie Polanco.
Teenage Liberation Handbook
The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffith
The Relaxed Home School by Mary Hood
The Joyful Homeschooler by Mary Hood
Teach Your Own by John Holt (just got it today haven't started it yet)
Is their any other books you would recommend?
Thanks ~Anna
Hi Anna,
I absolutely love unschooling, I am flying solo with it and don't mind. Once you are totally convicted about something then all the crazy stuff that can be out there won't scare you as much and being the only one you know unschooling, won't bother you either, because it's a way of life. I can be here for you, too:)
Get to reading John Holt's book; it is amazing and will be out on your coffee table. For parenting, there is always crazy stuff out there and the internet is full of it. Some radical unschoolers are really hands-off parenting, and for me, that's not what I am convicted about. I need to guide, support, and train them. It's my job. I absolutely love Alfie Kohn's book, Punished by Rewards. It changed the way I approached everything with my children. You'll love it…it should be your next book read.
Your son is only 4, so this is such a fun time! I have a four yr. old, too, and he plays and learns all day with the rest of his siblings. Every day brings learning experiences just by living: the grocery store, the bank, how to share, how to give, making dinner, there is a subject in everyday living. Not to mention to capitalize on all the questions they ask…such as what moths eat, or what do fire flies look like as babies…these are all learning opportunities that keep them avid learners.
We want to guide our children to God's word and use the bible as our guide. There are Christian unschoolers and there are non Christian unschoolers, and you'll be able to detect it easily. We need to follow how God wants us to raise our children…so when I can came across all the secular advice for raising children in an unschooling environment; I moved on.
You can do it, Anna, and consider me your unschooling friend!
Now go read those 2 books…
Hugs,
Jenny